Salsa (sssalsa) wrote,

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Everybody Equals Out When All the Songs Are Sung

Wow, I've forgotten how much I LOVE SKA. It's funny how much I choose to lose. I've bartered pieces of myself over the years. I'm not completely recognizable. Sure, I'm still Lucy... somewhat. Sure, I'm still a self-loathing piece of shit. Sure, I've switched from girl to girl to boy to boy to boy so rapidly that you'd swear I was running. I'm on the lam, hiding away from myself. My sense of self is dead. It's been a really long time since I've tried. to do anything. I've officially squandered my potential for having potential! Right now, I find this horribly amusing, but it's 1 in the afternoon. In 12 hours, I will be sobbing over my loss.

Tom Moron told me that I'm basically bullshit. He said that I'm no different from anyone else, and that I'm stupid for not seeing things the way he does. That's a good way to net a lady, fucker.

I've been thinking about how imperative it is to my graduating for me to complete my last assignments that I've been fucking around for a week now. One professor called me. I've yet to contact the other. My aunt wants to purchase an outfit for me to wear under that god-awful polyester black robe next Sunday. No one in my family knows how close I am to not walking across that stupid stage. No one really knows how I feel about this "problem" because I have no idea how I feel. Sometimes, I just want to run away and say, "Fuck you!" to those who've raised me and tried to mold me into a functioning member of society. Sometimes, I want to stay up for hours with the aid of energy drinks and cigarettes to complete my assignments as best as I possibly can given the ever-shrinking time limit I've constructed. Sometimes, I consider just ending everything because everything is nothing is anything is.,. pointless.

Also, I just got paid, but my entire check went to overdraft fees that I unknowingly incurred last Sunday. So I'm $375 poorer for the next 2 weeks. I'm sure my parents will be stoked on this, especially since I just walked away from my mom when she asked me about tickets for graduation for the upteenth time. There are no tickets, as far as I know, and I haven't made an effort to confirm my knowledge because I don't give a fuck if anyone is there. What the fuck did they do? Force me through these last 5 years because I'd be nothing without a bachelor's degree. Funny, I feel more lost now than I did when I was 18. Thanks, America.
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